Is there a female in Britain who has not, at some stage in her life, used Boots cucumber face products? If so, step forward. I think you will be in a minority and I’d imagine the rest of us would quite like to have a little sniff of your face, just for research purposes.
I’m staying with a friend who offered me a go on her cucumber facewash. It was like a time machine! Suddenly I was fourteen again! Wearing jeans that didn’t fit. Still not knowing the words to any of the bloody songs my friends were singing. Writing in my diary about HOW DEEPLY IN LOVE with Stephen Gately I was. Writing in my diary about HOW DEEPLY I HATED EVERYONE. Serving banana splits at my local pub. Not understanding my boobs. Staring at my boobs. Talking angrily to my boobs. Trying to get my little sister back under control (she no longer believed I had magic powers, which was really annoying.) drifting around in very elaborate fantasy about how Graham from the boys school next door – two years older than me and entirely unaware of my existence – had in fact Noticed Me and was sending me come-on signals by not looking in my direction.
Oh, little spotty Robinson. I love you and your fourteen year old facewash. X