Tag Archives: South America

“Please wear smart business dress,” they said. Oh God.

Back in May 2010 I announced – with gay abandon – that I was leaving behind my old career to become a Bohemian Writer instead. I would move to Buenos Aires where I would drift around in bare feet; wearing an assortment of headscarves, eating alternative foods such as silken tofu and giving up consumer crap like make up and fashion. I’d do art and culture and politics. Oh yes I would! It didn’t really happen. I did go to Buenos Aires but there was nothing bohemian or chilled about the way I wrote my first novel. I was manic and I wore Topshop. I drank too much tea and the closest … Continue reading

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Lucy Robinson is not so bad you know

I was talking to my friend earlier today. She is one of the most disgusting people I’ve ever met. Think you’re talented? Forget it. You’re not. Not next to her anyway. Think you’re creative? Pah! Good-looking? Bad news, my friend! She’s better than you! She is creative, she’s funny, she’s clever and she’s absolutely beautiful too. She is a photographer, designer, blogger, branding consultant, pianist and piano teacher and best of all she’s created this absolutely marvellous children’s brand called Florentine and Pig which is just the most wonderful jumble of cookery, hilarity and creativity in the world. If I was a … Continue reading

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She’s coming home, she’s coming home, she’s coming…

I am less than forty-eight hours away from my flight home, readers. Thank you very much for the support: I was really touched by your messages of concern. You helped me accept that dying out here of some tropical malady was both avoidable and absurd. (NB one of my favourite ‘come home’ messages was via Twitter: “are you out of your f*cking MIND, you c*ck? Stop being a f*cking fanny and come home RIGHT NOW… YOU UTTER D*CK!” So yes, I listened and agreed and at huge expense changed our flights home. The Man has – as usual – been … Continue reading

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My chaos is going global once more

Hi there friends! So, how do you like this picture of my ‘wardrobe’ on the floor of The Man’s bedroom? This is basically what my life has looked like since I got back from Argentina. It’s like a casserole made of clothing. It’s like the muck heap at my Mum’s stables. (Actually, that’s balls. My mum’s muck heap is significantly more tidy and organised than this rotten mess.) Most of my friends presume that I live in a state of chaos and disorder. This, I imagine, is because they have identified the chaos and disorder that exists in my head and have … Continue reading

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I’m getting married…

My feelings of inappropriate lust for my Spanish tutor have reached unmanageable proportions: I think it might be time for us to part company. During our lesson this morning, as he presented me with me a cup of tea (he even served it with a little dish in which I could rest my teaspoon! I LOVE HIM) he said “You smile a lot in these lessons, no? I smiled very hard indeed. “It is because you are such a brilliant tutor, of course,” I replied in a moronic fashion, wishing I had not drunk so much Malbec the night before. … Continue reading

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Brinkmanship

Paul and I are doing a dance. You know, that dance. The cold-war-of-dating dance. Paul is Russia, I am America. Russia makes threatening noises and aims its guns at America; America steps up and makes threatening noises back. America polishes its arsenal of nuclear weapons ( I went and got my bikini line done) and begins to take emergency measures (I found the Argentinian equivalent of IKEA and bought a bedspread to improve the rather alternative decor in my new bedroom.) Then without warning, Russia retreats, takes stock and decides to withdraw and build up its defences. America follows suit and wonders … Continue reading

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