Tag Archives: second novel

My big fat SECOND NOVEL

 A Pssionate Love Af#4FF1234

It’s January 2013. Which means – finally – my SECOND NOVEL IS GOING TO BE PUBLISHED. This fact makes me want to – in no particular order – 1. Perform cartwheels down my hallway while roaring loudly (I won’t: I have the gymnastic capabilities of an overweight polar bear and my throat is a bit hurty.) 2. Set fire to my computer in a complex ceremony that is designed to imply ancient writerly practices but is instead just an attempt to avoid having to read any reviews of any sort 3. Buy a lot of cheese, which is something I … Continue reading

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Hippies one, medicine nil

Festive yule logs, friends! I trust you are all exhausted and fluey and hungover and fed up like everyone else? I’m actually quite well. But in fairness I’ve spent most of the year doubled up on the bog so a little bout of good health seems reasonable. Anyway . . . As Christmas draws near, I have had to face a fact that I can no longer ignore:  I am consumed with longing for a Mulberry handbag. I really really want a Mulberry handbag. If you have one, lock it up because otherwise I will steal it. I can’t tell you which … Continue reading

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The cesspool

Happy Sunday Friends! I begin this blog with an apology to Colin Thomas who is my friend’s Dad. Colin, I learned this weekend, is a regular reader of this blog, but has complained that I don’t update it regularly enough. Colin, you are right. I’m sorry. I’m back from travelling now, there’s no excuse. Except that I’m really behind with my second novel and I am moving my stuff into The Man’s house and I am an outpatient at ten million clinics and I’m working on hundreds of projects and trying to catch up with everyone and changing my address … Continue reading

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Cheese and other matters

“I CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER MINUTE OF SEARCHING THIS F*CKING RUCKSACK FOR MY WALLET,” I fumed, as we stood in a South America-style queue at Bogota airport. (‘South America-style’ in that it was huge, it snaked off in several directions and anyone who looked to be over forty years of age shoved their wide, queue-jumping shoulders in front of us, stolidly ignoring our outraged British huffs and puffs.) The man didn’t reply to my outburst because he had passed out on the spot hugging his own rucksack. But he had a rage of his own soon after: “I CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER … Continue reading

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I is TRASH

Sorry about my blogless uselessness dear friends. I have been on a bit of a holiday, having finished my second novel ahead of schedule and have been mostly in places that do not have facilities like internet. Oh and I’ve also been busy having Salmonella. After all, I’ve been in such excellent health recently it seems only fair that I should have a filthy rotten egg infection too, yah? I f*cking hate my insides at the moment. They are full of bad things. Anyway, I write to you from Quito, capital of Ecuador. It’s a bit of a headspin being … Continue reading

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Effing cockerels

Hi there readers! Buenas tardes! That means good afternoon, fyi. Here in Guanajuato, Mexico, it is 19.30pm and yet everyone is persisting in yelling ‘good afternoon’ as opposed to good evening.  They don’t start saying good evening until at least 8.30pm. But in a part of the world where restaurants don’t really fill up until 11.30pm I suppose this is reasonable. I am sitting on a roof terrace overlooking the most mind-boggling sea of multi-coloured higgledy piggledy houses. They stretch away in all directions; up and down, left and right; framed on each side by mountains and blue skies. Although … Continue reading

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A Michelin-starred disgrace

I’ve been in Edinburgh the last few days, researching my second novel. *Pause* Sorry, that was me trying to come to terms with how much of a tosser I sound saying that. The justification for the trip was that my main character in novel number two – her name is Charley Lambert, if you’re interested – lives in Edinburgh. Last time I spent any decent length of time in the city there were twenty six of us living in a four-bedroomed flat getting wasted on home-made cocktails and wearing orange boiler suits because we thought it was cool, so I … Continue reading

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I’m not a celebrity but please get me out of here anyway.

Right. Enough. Friends, it is all over between Me and Travelling. Our previously cordial relations have been severed. I’m done! (NB The picture to the left was taken before me and Travelling fell out) It began on Wednesday when I was staring out of the window of a bus at an extraordinary range of mountains. I realised I couldn’t give a flying f*ck about said mountains. Shocked, I slapped myself round the face. What sort of a traveller gets bored of mountains? Nothing changed. I just looked around to check no-one was watching me and gave a discreet v-sign to … Continue reading

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Brasil + Man

And so I have left. I have left my beloved BA! I also left The Man behind. I cried. What a knob. I stood hugging him at Retiro bus station and howled. He is quite good at managing my outbursts though and he just hugged me in a nice fashion, not giving too much credence to my emotional excesses. More about him in a bit. So here I am, at the beginning of my big long trip, sitting on a balcony overlooking a beach in Brazil. I am with my little sister who is the best travel partner one could … Continue reading

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