Tag Archives: New York

Loving New York day 20: near death and cronuts

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I have been slack at blogging the last few days. I was away in Connecticut and obviously there is no internet there of any sort. There never has been, it’s like a State policy or something. I guess the actual truth is that I’ve just been having ALL THE FUN and keep being naughty and pretending I can’t hear myself every time I tell myself to write a blog. It’s been so magical – stunning drives through villages and towns with clapboard houses and beautiful little white churches – several marshy places that seemed so familiar that I couldn’t stop … Continue reading

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Loving New York Day 12: BEAUTY (no beast)

I’ve never really thought of NYC as a beautiful city. Even though I like it so much I often consider moving here illegally. (I’m not serious, American Immigration people.) Yesterday, I changed my mind. It’s a stunner! I took a walk along the High Line – crammed as it is with wild flowers and trees and (amazingly) people getting married – and then took a wander round the stunning Frick Collection, marvelling at its arcadian gardens and improbable peacefulness. Not to mention all those amazing paintings. (Without protection glass or ropes in front of them either! You can get your … Continue reading

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Loving New York Day 11: Lindsey Kelk

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Yesterday I moved back in with Marge, who’d kicked me out for a few days. This is because she is a BIG HO. (I think this is how Americans write ‘hoe.’ It makes me laugh a lot more without the E. Do you feel the same?) Marge isn’t really a BIG HO. She just had another visitor. I mean, she invited me to come over for a week and I decided to come for three, so it’s fair enough. Anyway, during those BIG HO days, I went and stayed with my chum Lindsey Kelk. She’s a Times top ten bestselling … Continue reading

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Loving New York 10: being so cool

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I’m not cool. But I felt it for a night. I stood on the VIP balcony overlooking the stage at the CHVRCHES gig last night. All around me were men with massive beards and round glasses (this is the facial hair uniform for cool men these days) and below me were an ELECTRO BAND. Even though it seemed that it was probably a lot cooler in that balcony to stand still and vaguely nod my head to the music, I was rocking out proper by the end, with thrashing arms and screaming and stuff. They were immense! Or whatever you’re … Continue reading

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Loving New York Day eight: Lindsey Kelk and the Naughty Raccoon

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I’m staying with Lindsey Kelk for the weekend. There are so many things I am loving about staying with her, but top of the list was a two-hour walk round a dark park last night, filled with mating people and skunk smokers and men lurking in clumps of bull rushes. All of these things were good, but none of them were beaten by the NAUGHTY RACCOON who came to stare at us. ISN’T HE NICE!

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Loving New York Day 7 – Crack Pie

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There were so many things I loved yesterday. There was the woman in Macy’s telling me that a handbag I was gazing at was ‘really English, like, so suitable for England it’s, like, oh my god, THIS IS A BAG FOR ENGLISH PEOPLE’ (seriously). There was the lovely osteopath who sorted out all my problems in an hour, and then told me about the best pizza in the entire world. (Everyone in New York recommends the best pizza in the entire world. Their recommendations are never the same.) There was the unexpected email from an old school friend who now … Continue reading

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Loving New York Day 6: Food Challenge part II

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Next up in my challenge: Trish from twitter challenged me to try a TWIZZLER and a TWINKIE. Untitled 3

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Loving New York Day 5: weirdness and madness

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There’s a very funny article in this week’s Time Out NY. ‘Comedian Chris Gethard makes a case for why our city is – and always will be – weird as fuck.’ Just five minutes before I bought said publication I’d been saying to Marge ‘one of the things I love about this City is that it’s COMPLETELY MENTAL. Wherever you go, someone’s doing something really weird or mad and nobody ever takes any notice.’ In the article, Gethard suggested that anyone who believes that New York’s madness was swept away by Mayor Giuliani should just take a good look around … Continue reading

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Loving New York: WATER + WAITERS

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What happens in the UK when you want a glass of water with your food: Customer: Oh, and some tap water please. Waiter: Slight nod; expression of distaste *Fifteen minutes elapses* Customer: excuse me . . . Waiter: (Cannot reply; waiter has lost sense of hearing) *Food arrives* Customer: And can I have that tap water, please? Waiter: Yes, just a . . . (disappears) *An hour elapses* Customer: I’d like the bill please. Waiter: Alright. Here’s your water. (Looks really annoyed, as if customer is a massive twat for wasting water) What happens in NY – and, as I … Continue reading

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Loving New York: Day Three

SO MANY THINGS! I love ALL THE THINGS! But here are some highlights from Day Three: 1. Mad flower Man Man runs into grocery store. ‘HELP,’ he shouts. He is sweating. ‘I NEED A FLOWER RECOMMENDATION.’ I listen up. I like this sort of thing. ‘THERE’S A GIRL. I NEED TO BUY HER SOME FLOWERS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO GET HER.’ I smile kindly. ‘Let me help you,’ I say in my smoothest English accent. ‘THANK YOU’ he yells hoarsely. ‘You like her then?’ I ask, taking him outside to the flowers. He looks even more wild. … Continue reading

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