How are you? Good? Bad? In between? However you are, I send you the very warmest of salutations.
It’s quite odd being back out there in the world after so many months of semi-entrapment in my house, but it’s been REAL NICE to say hi to you all again. I’ve been proper enjoying the tweets and messages, like, I really have! They make me go, ‘YESSSS!’ And ‘AWWWWW!’ ‘WOWZERS I AM SO LUCKY’ and so on.
I would never have dreamt of contacting a writer or blogger before I became one myself, but only now do I understand how utterly delightful it is to get a message from someone in Croatia saying that they bloody love your book. Or a teenager so addicted to your book that she’s getting mega-bollockings from her Mum every two hours cos she’s not putting out the light and going to sleep. (Her Mum would probably have a coronary if she realised how much swearing goes on in my books, but that’s another matter.)
So here I am, back out in the world. Even the online world, which I avoided like the plague when I was ill. I don’t entirely blame myself for that. The internet is so NOISY! I don’t enjoy being on it too often. It stops me being in the world, in my life, in my relationship, in my work, in my body. And other things that hippyish people who use the words ‘organic’ and ‘creative’ say.
That’s not to say I don’t think the internet’s a wonderful thing. Without it I would not be a writer, for starters. But it’s . . . Whoa. It’s noisy out there. And big. And addictive. And there are always ten billion people out there doing WAY BETTER THAN YOU. AND MAKING SURE YOU KNOW ABOUT IT.
Fortunately, I have the internet right-sized these days. (Most of the time.) I don’t look at them and think, wow, why aren’t I doing as well as you? Why aren’t I as skinny as you? Why aren’t I as funny as you? I just think, oh, ok. You’re doing your thing, I’m doing mine.
I’m also really enjoying using the old tinterweb to send out little daily blasts of positivity. My ‘Wot I loved today’ blogs are a lovely way of forcing myself to stay in positivity – to keep on looking for all the fantastic things I have, the brilliant people I know, the little details of the privileged life I lead here in Ingerland.
I think it’s very easy these days to focus on what we haven’t got. To get all caught up with how shit everything is, how unfair life is, what a wanker the guy next door is, how stupid this blog is, blah blah blah. Negativity, I’ve realised, is the enemy of all things. Worrying about things that haven’t happened. Worrying about things that HAVE happened. Worrying about a million things that I can’t change. Needing to be better than everyone. To know better than everyone. Needing to rake over every shit thing that’s happened to me. To rake over every shit thing that’s going to happen to me. In thirty years time or something.
Why? Does it actually serve me to worry about that stuff? Does it shit. That’s not life. That’s penury.
As I’ve mentioned before, I did a staggeringly wonderful thing called the Lightning Process to help me recover from Chronic Fatigue/ME recently. It did exactly what it said on the tin – in a mere three days I found myself back in a fully-functioning body- but, even better than that, it taught me that I will ALWAYS have a choice as to whether or not I get into bed with negativity. It helped me commit unswervingly to leading a life I love.
The life I love is not dependent on having loads of money or status or selling billions of books. Nor is is about having expensive clothes and make up and knowing Important People. The Life I love does not rely on me being in a relationship with an amazing man; it doesn’t even rely on me being in perfect health (although I’m extremely grateful to be well again!) No. The life I love is just a question of me being cheerful, relaxed and open to all things, whatever my circumstances.
The ability to live like this is even more wonderful than recovery from chronic fatigue, and that’s not something I say lightly. The chronic fatigue was fucking awful! AWFUL! But I mean it. Recovery from that feels almost secondary to the amazing power of choice I have these days.
Every day I notice something about my life that is nice. Be it sunshine on a leaf or The Man doing a naked disco or just an EPIC PLATTER OF CHEESE like the one above which I shared with a friend yesterday.
So I shall keep on recording these little moments, because even on really shit days there is so much to smile about.
You can guarantee that as I write each blog, I’ll be doing a smile. I hope you might sometimes do the same as you read . . .
Love, peace and light, and an om shantih.
(I’m only joking. I promise NEVER to sign off a blog with ‘love peace and light.’ Let alone om shantihs. They have their place; but that place is not in the foul-mouthed world of Lucy Robinson.