So I’ve been thinking of starting a video blog.
However, I cannot bring myself to use the word ‘Vlog.’ It sounds like someone throwing up.
(“Muuurrhhh, I feel sick.”
“Quick, get to the toilet!”
And my plan for this new venture is to involve you guys. So, here’s my first question:
What can I call my video blog that isn’t reminiscent of vomit? A film blog (Flog?) A moving picture blog (M-Pog?) Or a Filmed Robinson Blog (FROG?) Please submit ideas below, or on my facebook page, or via Twitter. Thank you.
So that’s agreed then. I am going to start a ‘…….’
Then: what will it be about? The possibilities are endless!
I was having a think with my Robinson crew the other day. And someone said, ‘You should make sure it’s about something that people really like you for.’
I was perplexed. ‘What do people like me for, though?’
There was a silence.
‘Well,’ one of them said gently. ‘Your readers do quite like the fact that you’re a bit of a, um . . .’
‘A WHAT?’ I shouted.
‘Well, a bit of a moron.’
I bristled for a short while, trying to prove that people see me as a serious writer and a very successful human being, but in truth I don’t think anyone believes that.
There’s no denying it, really, I am a moron. My blog history is a written record of this fact. Even a casual browse reveals a level of moronic terribleness that I have never seen anywhere else in the world. (I appreciate that it’s beginning to sound like I’m proud of this. I’m not.)
There was the time my Spanish Tutor had to explain firmly to me that he was getting married, and not to me. Or the time when, during the posh lunch my publishers took me out for on the publication of my first novel, I walked straight into a mirrored wall and flew out of my high heels. Or the fact that I am known for eating sirloin steak and chicken legs at 7am.
I won’t go on. My entire blog archive is a testament to my moronic loserishness.
However, something has occurred to me: I might not be the worst. There might be people out there who have stories even worse than mine. Surely? SURELY?
‘That’s it!’ I said. ‘I’m going in search of people as bad as, if not worse than me!’
And so Monday Morons was born. There are lots of fun plans afoot but for now I’m just going to start gathering evidence, and that’s where you come in. I want as many stories from your own moron archives as possible and I want them NOW!
Here’s some initial catagories. You can send in stories for as many categories as you like – seriously, the more the merrier. And you can do so either by using the comments box at the end of this blog, or by sending an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Don’t worry, I won’t shame you publically. Only myself. No names will ever see the light of day – on that you have my word. (You can leave comments in the box below under whatever name you want.)
So yes. That’s where we’re at for now. I want to take a measure of the moroncy around me for starters. But I have big plans. And I want you to be involved. GO!
1. The most moronic thing you’ve ever said in bed to a lover (here’s something to get you started)
2. The most moronic sending-the-wrong-email-to-the-wrong-person moment you’ve had
3. The most moronic thing you’ve said or done in a job interview
4. The most moronic thing you’ve said or done, when drunk, in front of your folks.
5. The most moronic thing you’ve said or done in front of your LOVER’S folks.
6. The most moronic outfit you’ve ever worn, believing you look SHARP.
ANYTHING YOU CAN DO, I CAN DO WORSE.
…Or can I?
Chief Moron Robinson x