Loving New York: Day Three

photo (50)SO MANY THINGS! I love ALL THE THINGS!

But here are some highlights from Day Three:

1. Mad flower Man
Man runs into grocery store. ‘HELP,’ he shouts. He is sweating.
‘I NEED A FLOWER RECOMMENDATION.’
I listen up. I like this sort of thing.
‘THERE’S A GIRL. I NEED TO BUY HER SOME FLOWERS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO GET HER.’
I smile kindly. ‘Let me help you,’ I say in my smoothest English accent.
‘THANK YOU’ he yells hoarsely.
‘You like her then?’ I ask, taking him outside to the flowers.
He looks even more wild. ‘I love her,’ he wails. ‘I am so in love with her, and she doesn’t know. I’m meeting her for dinner in five minutes. Help me. Help me.’
I tell him to buy hyacinths, cos they are fashionable at the moment, AND they smell amazing, AND they have them in white which is more unusual. I can tell he isn’t keen. I can tell he feels he had to buy roses, so I direct him towards a classier colour than the nasty pink he is staring at. He is so grateful he hugs me, sweat and all. ‘THANK YOU,’ he screams, running off towards 9th Avenue. ‘THANK YOU FOREVER.’

I loved this so much. Can you imagine that happening in England? A man asking for help? A man telling a complete stranger he’s in love with someone and begging said stranger for help?

2. Cheesecake and Feet. Junior’s is a pretty rank cakerie in Downtown Brooklyn, famous for its (very average) cheesecake. Marge and I went just cos we like to get involved with things like cheesecake, legendary or not. We took our cakes to get a pedicure and sat there, stuffing ourselves, while nice women did our feet. We were both in heaven and we both felt awful sitting there like that. The whole having-someone-scrub-your-feet-on-a-stool-while-you-sit-on-a-massive-massage-chair thing is very uncomfortable for English people.

3. Not buying clothes. This is a complete lie. I HATE NOT BUYING CLOTHES WHILE IN NEW YORK. IT IS WHERE I DO MY BEST SHOPPING. I was doing so well at not buying any clothes (see here for info: I’m not buying clothes for the whole of 2014) and then I arrived in New York and *wails* I WANT ALL THE CLOTHES! I WANT THEM! Marge had loads of money-off vouchers in Bloomingdales and we went there and . . . and . . . AND I COULDN’T FUCKING STAND IT. I am so much more shallow than I’d ever imagined. Bugger. Never mind. I thought I’d chuck it in my Wot I Loved blog just in case I start to love this situation.

4. Driving through Manhattan in an open-topped car playing MIA. Nothing much to say about that. We are massive twats. It was brilliant.

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One Response to Loving New York: Day Three

  1. Marge says:

    thanks for being a shopping buddy Marge. And for telling me those grey jeans did not give me elephant leg.. I now realise that taking you to Bloomies while you are on a shopping drought is akin to dragging a recovering boozer into a brewery and making them sniff beer… Apols and you is the best. Marge x

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